How am I doing with my goals?
Last November, I started another round of goals. It was changed out early because my previous goals weren’t cutting it. I beat the stuff that was easy and was left with only a few things I just refused to do.
The problem is I added difficult tasks just to remind myself they need to be done. Those are the ones I’m failing at the most.
A reminder of the goals:
Specific goals nov 1st 2019 to nov 1st 2020.
- Complete Nano 2019.
- Publish Dragon Rider 6th Grade.
- Publish Dragon Rider 7th Grade.
- Publish The Secret of Luna.
- Ready Alpha Protector, Alpha’s Diner, and Alpha Successor for publishment.
- Publish at least 6 stories.
- Find a doctor who listens.
- Weigh the different fields you’re interested in and run at one.
- Tell someone every day you love them.
- Show gratitude to someone every day.
- Make Cyro more aware of their emotions/ their viewpoint/ their interests/ etc.
- Read at least 50 stories.
- Read at least 12 new stories.
- Have weekly blog posts.
- Write ten poems every month.
- Get more skilled in Korean than in German.
- Write out the complete list of allergens.
- Have a working print copy of your cookbook with at least 50 recipes.
- Pull out quotes from every story you have published or will publish.
- Write ten new stories.
- Weekly promotion facebook and twitter posts.
- Monthly book reviews
Both goal 1 and 2 are finished. I pulled off an impressive 70+k words during November 2019 beating Nano with over a week to spare. Dragon Rider 6th Grade was published early December. I also published this month Year of Poems 2019 showing off in ebook and paperback copy all my blog poems from last year.
I am not ready to publish the other books listed. I’ve probably put in six or so hours of editing on Dragon Rider 7th Grade. That’s not enough. I’ve thought over The Secret of Luna to realize the way to fix the problem is with a rewrite. It’s an easy rewrite given I’m more expanding data and details than anything. The events will stay the same and in the order they’re in. It sounds daunting because I already rewrote it. Doing so again before I can publish sounds horrible, but it’s necessary. Trust me on this. Alpha Protector and Alpha’s Diner are in complete draft status. Protector has cleared second draft status. Diner is in first. I have yet to get started on the rewrite of Alpha Successor, although a few ideas have percolated during the months I’ve been deciding on Modern Werewolves.
I have two stories published so far. I want to publish a short story next month called Happy Puppy. Several have read it and liked it. It’ll only be a 99 cent read. A complete story that draws you in and wages a war with your heart.
I mean, it’s a cute read you’ll enjoy. *shifty eyes*
The only thing stopping me is making a cover. I’ll get something together in like three hours. There are tons of free puppy pictures. It’ll be easy. I’ll probably even find the exact image I’m looking for. Kinda like how you’ll guaranteed to find a white woman in a dress grinning at the camera. Those are easy. Puppies are easy.
Find a doctor, number 7… It’s not easy for me to do. At least now I know what I should be looking for. I need a doctor who accepts my insurance, will help me get diagnosed autistic and epileptic, and not consider me crazy. I’m not crazy. People need to stop saying that. I have medical issues that fuck with me. I’m mentally preparing myself for a doctor. I need to push a little bit more, but… Let’s skip this.
Pick a career I want and run at it. Model. The only reason I can really accept my body even when I get dysphoric is because I look at it as my doll to care for. If I see myself as model or treat myself as one, I can make myself look pretty or accept the clothes I wear. I am modeling for society. I’m not being paid. I can go around as a model showing off what “females” should look like, then I can ignore the fact it’s not my body that’s moving around. It’s a similar concept to pretending to be a spy while facing against family who refuse to acknowledge you for who you are. I model. Life is a stage, and I’ll catwalk down the aisle.
I tell Nugget and Cyro all the time that I love them. A few other people get the treatment, but I normally get a little tongue tied or forgot to mention it. If you’re reading this post to this point, I love you. I’ve made a few social media posts saying similar. My stalker responded. I don’t love him. He’s a problem. He looks at my model persona as if that’s my only dimension. It’s not even me. It’s a character I play to live within society. It’s a character I have to play when dysphoria is really bad. You have no idea how difficult getting comments about my looks is when I’m fully into the male brain.
As for the thanks… I wonder if I’m pulling that off. I do say it more than a normal person. I’m always thanking service workers and anyone who does something specifically for me. I’m trying to expand that to even those who are helping indirectly, like those who clean up an area I wish to use. I try to thank Cyro when they do their chores even. I may not benefit from those chores, but just by taking some work off my shoulders, my day is better. I should thank people for that. I try. I succeed more than most shocking those who never receive that type of gratitude. I’m like those stories about learning the janitor’s name. We became friends. I wasn’t afraid of his work. He was perfectly acceptable as a janitor. It never bothered me. I never considered him less. It was a worthwhile job that deserved my respect and consideration. More than the CEO ever will.
Cyro is progressing in their own awareness. I wonder how much. I’m aware that Cyro is more genderfluid than male. They go as far into female as I go into male. I could not say whether they will do anything that would be deemed transition. Cyro puts on a dress as a way to cope. I’m trying to switch both of our pronouns to they. Most of the time one or the other would be fine. But not always. They is something that’s always acceptable. We need that. I didn’t realize I needed that. I don’t want to hurt Cyro more. I feel as if I fail as a parent. I know I’m not the best parent, but I can’t be the worst, and I’m not really a failure. But some days… Parenting is tough, and I’m going solo. Being the only one Cyro has to rely on is… It’s tough.
Reading… I’ve been reading a lot of manga. Yeah. It’s still books. I’ll still count them. I have read three text based books. I’ve read 18 mangas. Yeah. Eight of the books are new. All three of the text only books and five of the manga are brand new. It’s something. They were legit book sized mangas. I’ve started a few other fiction novels and just stopped before getting very far. I didn’t even manage my book review for this month. I have a book I can read that would count. I could easily find a free book on smashwords that has little to no book reviews. I didn’t do it. I’m sorry. I’ll double up another month. I hope. I hope I read more than my own work next month. Manga has been a safe easy on the eyes read.
My blog has been active. At least with poetry and recipes. I haven’t really written an article. I’m not going off the grid, but it’s also seems closer to that. I haven’t made a youtube video. Maybe I should make a post about that. Make a post about reading my stories on youtube. Or my reading my poetry out loud. I also want to make a post about where Dragon Rider came from. And about my progression with Dove. I also need to make a post about Happy Puppy. The blog isn’t the only social media place I’m failing with. Twitter should be the place for writers, yet I feel incompatible with the platform. I’m more active on facebook and instagram. I love taking pictures and showing off progression in my work. Pictures are fun. So Instagram is my favorite platform. I don’t know the special hashtags I should using (minus a few basic ones), but I show off my random creations or word counts excited when people like it.
Poetry… Well, my weekly poems aren’t going anywhere. I have a few weeks already set up and ready to go, so even if I stop checking the blog, you’ll still get poems. I’ve written ten poems in November and December. January had me go over. I wrote more than 10 poems. No trouble there. I’m excited actually. Poetry is easy. People love my poems (those that read them). I’m looking forward to May. I’m definitely doing another book for May. I don’t know how active Cyro will be.
My languages skills in Korean have improved, although I’m better with German still. I’m working on it. I don’t know if I can manage to improve enough to be my second best. I had actual classes to teach my German. I’ve been learning it a lot longer and it’s much closer to grammar, style, and vocab to English. I love Korean. I’m going to keep trying. I’m starting to have a decent grasp with really basic sentences. My vocab sucks, though. I’m just learning how to grammar with verbs. I have a long way to go. Even if I stop here, I won’t stop yelling 사랑해 at everyone. You google that. It’s one of the most known phrases.
I have a list of allergens going. It’s not complete. If I can get a list of just the food concerns and ignore the airborne concerns, I may manage by November. Airborne issues are far harder to handle. Cat’s Allergens: soy, dairy, egg, wheat, vanilla, xantham gum, sugars ending in -tol (aka sugar alcohol), agave, apples, poultry, barley, peppercorns (pepper:spice)… It’s not a complete list and I know it.
I believe I have the necessary fifty recipes to get the cookbook going. I haven’t sat down to really get it going though. I have a few rough starts, but nothing good enough to turn into a print copy. I’ll get to that.
I haven’t increased the number of quotes pulled from stories. I made up a promo post for Dragon Rider and Year of Poems. I have the quotes from Dragon Rider done and available to the public. But I haven’t gone back to my old stories. And I haven’t done any for Happy Puppy. Shortly.
I have written two stories. Two short stories. Although I never indicated length, so that’s acceptable. I finished Werecat #2: Becoming Safe and Namkyu’s Lost Phoenix. I may have written another short at some point, but I didn’t write it down, so it doesn’t count.
I have weekly facebook posts set up to post for the next few weeks. Twice a week on Tuesday and Wednesday. A quote and the links to the book. I just haven’t been as active on Twitter, so I have done less. I should post weekly posts on Instagram, too. I haven’t done that either. Although I do randomly make comments about my books on all my social media accounts. It’s better than nothing.
I guess that about covers everything. I’m succeeding in some ways. I’m struggling in others. I’m trying. It’s better than nothing. I’m sorry if you expected something else. One day I’ll look back on these posts and laugh. Probably. Or cry. Depending on where I end up in a decade. Who votes for best selling author matching up to King? No one? Ah man.