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I should do poetry reading or opening chapter readings of my stories.

I’ve tried before and had someone make a few rude comments. It had me backtrack. I’m sorry to those of you who were interested or listening. I should have deleted the comments and shut down the ability to comment. It would have been better if I reported the comment too. Sexual harassment is a serious issue. Instead I pulled everything.

It went from me posting almost weekly a poetry reading or other thing to hiding in the shadows.

I still have my youtube. It’s still active. I just need to remember to lock comments or hold for review anything that has my image. Cyro’s is more active, but not by a lot. They do Taekwondo and has videos showing off their skills. I try to press them to upload weekly. The holiday break left them floundering. Then we made videos that turned out wrong. So we remade the videos. Soon they’ll get a video up. Once they’re done being sick.

My videos will start up more of a weekly or monthly addition soon. I need to. I need to do more to bring about my media presence. Even if all I’m doing is reading my poems out loud. Or reading my opening chapters or my short stories. It’s something. Something is better than nothing. Social media can work. I just… I need to do something more than I already am.

If only I didn’t have that stalker shocked me into giving up. It wasn’t just him. A friend told me off for asking for views or comments.

I’ve never been good at keeping friends. When things like that happen where it proves I suck at everything social I go hide in a nook. My characters never throw me under a bus. They’re always friends with me.

I need to learn that I can’t trust “friends”. That I can’t ask them for a little bit of help. It’s asking too much. Asking for a few minutes of their time and a few random comments is too much.

Americans only support the rich and famous. I’m not rich nor famous. I’ll never gain support. I have to accept that and just move on.

[About Cat Hartliebe]

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