Poem: This

This isn’t part of Poem a Day May. It’s been tough lately. As much as I hide behind my mask, its been hard. Life is hard.

And I’m tired.

I don’t know if you’ll understand. Someone probably will. I posted it to Youtube as well.

I love you. Thanks for reading. And listening. It’s not the end. It can’t be.

This

It’s not that I dislike the sound
of happiness or sadness or crowds
i’m struggling to find my heart
within those crazy words
not even when i understand
and feel as if they connect
do i have the words to express
this

i cannot find a one
to really bring out my song
the feeling in my heart
as if i can sing along
my loneliness extends to
where the music and the beat
turns everyone in their seat
except for me
im just crying over
this

music has me rapping
it has me dancing
it has me feeling
i get caught just like
everyone else beside me
yet nothing
come to thought
as i revel in these songs
i’m finding it all hopeless
this

will you call me crazy names
or thinking this more a game
and everything i try to be
and say in all my dignity
i’m lost and losing out
that even music won’t help out
will you help me figure out
what can this be called now
this…

this feeling is insane
its caught me up again
im losing out my mind
and again i feel as if its time
you are walking forward
seeking for some word
of what im looking for
and yet it’s all inane

this feeling
im so tired

this feeling
its all full

this feeling
of insanity
im losing before i stood

dont look at it as if ive ended
ive never even started out
you can’t believe that this heart has broken
and yet the cracks shine brighter now
im seeking something
musical
to stand in my way
to tell me im not alone
and hear someone say

yet every single moment now
im loss without a stake
and you are sitting pretty
by the only lake

i never heard your voice before
and i doubt ill hear it anymore
my heart breaks in two
just by thinking im alone without you
this is nothing like
those dreams and novels i adore
and you are staring out at the abyss
crying for something more
this

this is nothing
this is everything

this is what you’re looking for
this is right
and this is wrong
and this is the only score

will we find the perfect number
that takes us down that path
can i find the angle that leads me to your track
i cant seem to find that pathway
in this troubled world
im alone
just searching
for the music of my soul
this

this body is waiting for you
something in the dark
your hands are searching out i wonder
as if blindness has your heart
will you be my only forgiveness
a note i’ve left before
this isn’t the only number i have
this is all i have left in store

will you be my last resistance
will you be my friend
will you stand up to the distance
looking for the end

this world has been falling lately
and ive lost my mind
its not the first time ive wandered
through the endless night
this cant be the last survivor
we have more time i swear
dont give up hope when nothings missing
yet i cant see to find the key

this time may be different
i cant believe i asked

this world has not lost its spark
you just havent found it

this…

i can’t find this…


[Cat Hartliebe’s Poem Books] [Cyro Hartliebe’s Poem Books]
[About Cat Hartliebe] [Poetry Archive]

Poem a Day May 2020 has an updated This poem in it. Still wild and moving, but more complete and stable.

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