Poem: Alone

(I’ve spent my weekend dealing with seizures. Being trapped to my bed is never good for anything. It always makes me feel so alone.)

alone

every time I’ve stepped forward
I’ve been shoved back
denied
discredited
as if I can’t
I’m never good enough

so I stay silent
in the background
the shadows
where I can pretend I’m like you
where I can pretend I exist

everyone says
you’ve made a difference
in someone’s life
beyond your own
one smile
one word
one impact can change everything

so I keep trying
keep proving
that I’m not just a shadow
or a boost

that I’m not really alone
or a background character

that I matter
I deserve to stand forward

so why then
has it been

every time I’ve stepped forward
I’ve been shoved back
no one to catch me
as I fall through the cracks

alone

always

stop lying to me
stop telling I matter
because I don’t
not at all
to no one
I’m just a shadow
a nothing passing through
shove me back like all the others

I’m a background character
who pretends

there’s no hero for me
I’m the one who dies to start the story
that’s all I can ever be

alone

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