(I’ve spent my weekend dealing with seizures. Being trapped to my bed is never good for anything. It always makes me feel so alone.)
alone
every time I’ve stepped forward
I’ve been shoved back
denied
discredited
as if I can’t
I’m never good enough
so I stay silent
in the background
the shadows
where I can pretend I’m like you
where I can pretend I exist
everyone says
you’ve made a difference
in someone’s life
beyond your own
one smile
one word
one impact can change everything
so I keep trying
keep proving
that I’m not just a shadow
or a boost
that I’m not really alone
or a background character
that I matter
I deserve to stand forward
so why then
has it been
every time I’ve stepped forward
I’ve been shoved back
no one to catch me
as I fall through the cracks
alone
always
stop lying to me
stop telling I matter
because I don’t
not at all
to no one
I’m just a shadow
a nothing passing through
shove me back like all the others
I’m a background character
who pretends
there’s no hero for me
I’m the one who dies to start the story
that’s all I can ever be
alone
[About Cat Hartliebe] [Poetry Archive] [Cat Hartliebe’s Poem Books]
I’m sorry to hear that you were going through that alone 😦 It’s never fun to be sick especially these days. Hope you feel better soon
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thanks.
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Sorry to hear you are having seizures. How scary, particularly on your own. Wish my magic wand worked and I could change the circumstances. Peace
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thanks
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